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DanBrownCGI

Let your work be your testimony.
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Another Year...

2 min read
Languish (v.):
1. (of a person or other living thing) lose or lack vitality; grow weak or feeble.
"plants may appear to be languishing simply because they are dormant"

So, another year of self-employment.  I had some good clients this year, I must admit.  But, alas, it wasn't stellar for me.  I struggled to produce some good work for people this time around, and I think my skills are starting to get a bit rusty.  It's time to bite the proverbial bullet and learn some new tricks.  The ocean's getting a bit crowded with better artists than I am, and it's starting to get difficult to keep being noticed by the right people (read: people who are willing to pay a living wage to an artist who just wants to eat and have rent in a slightly less crummy part of town).

I turn 34 this year.  I'm still struggling financially (but so is everyone), and I've discovered my work is suffering mostly because I've become rather lazy...it's time to put a stop to this trend.

So, without further ado, it's time to hit the ground running and refocus!  Time to improve my skills...or at least keep up with these amazing artists who absolutely blow my mind with their incredible work.

Dan
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A Difference

3 min read
One day, when I was very little, I discovered my mother's stash of delicious Hershey's Kisses.  For those of you who do not know what those are, they are tiny little chocolate candies that are about as close to heaven as any dirty-faced little barefoot boy like I was was going to get.  I told myself I would eat only one.  I devoured most of them.  I lived my entire rest of the month in mortal terror that someone would discover my thievery.  Somehow, I got away with it down 'til today.

So, what a difference a few months make.  While I'm not financially independent, I've enjoyed some nice string of clients lately, and now it's not too bad.  Then, suddenly, out of the blue: someone is asking me to show other people how to make art.

I was caught completely off-guard.  I never assumed I was good enough to even post stuff of my own online...  I mean, I keep getting this nasty feeling that the truth is going to come out and someone's going to say what everyone is thinking: "Dan, I hate to break it to ya, but you really shouldn't quit your day job, bud."

...and now people are asking me to make tutorials to sell on CGCookie on how to do what I do.  When did that happen?  Is there some mistake somewhere?  I keep feeling like that child that has devoured all the candies without permission...and got away with it!  In my mind, I cannot escape this nagging feeling--a Sword-of-Damocles feeling, a horrible feeling--that someone is going to suddenly realize what I've been doing and snatch it all away from me. "No, no," they would admonish, pushing up their thick, black-rimmed glasses while shaking their pasty faces back and forth.  "You cannot do this and make a living.  Off to the salt mines for you!  And your wages shall be garnished until you pay off the principle--with 25 years' interest accrued--of all those Hershey's Kisses you stole."

But, that man hasn't come yet, and the dream bubble isn't busted.  When did this happen?  When did it become acceptable for a kid who dreams about spaceships and wants to build a life-size Millennium Falcon get to make money building fictitious science fiction things that most people don't understand and can't stand?  How wonderfully strange the sometimes perceivably random outcomes this consequence-based universe we inhabit can generate at times.

Dan
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The problem with trying to be a successful artist/businessperson is knowing when to say, "I'm sorry, I can't help you out on that."

Case in point: Last week, I received a bunch of emails from one of the sites I sell my models on indicating that I had a bunch of offers.  I was thrilled!  This meant more money, and I've been in a tight position lately (sickness in the family, loss of employment by one), so I thought "Great! I'll make some extra moolah to pay down a stubborn credit card!"

So as I begin to navigate over to the website, I observe that there are several offers...and that they are all for a substantially lower amount than the going price.  The models in question average around $100 a piece.  I was offered about $6 each.  It would have cost me more to put the models back up on the site than I would receive from them.

I was flabbergasted.

Then I was offended.

Then I got mad.

When I tell people that I am self-employed, visions of jacuzzi hot-tubs and mixed drinks dance around their heads, for some reason.  In reality, self-employed means nervous breakdowns from doing taxes (I'm paying in a pretty big chunk this year), bills piling in and not one invoice going out in an entire month, credit card bills stacking up because gas prices went to $4/gallon and buying food for a family of 3.  And on top of it, no one wants to pay for art.

That's when I got offended.  It is, essentially, someone saying: "My independent film that I'm making is more important than you eating right now, but don't worry! My movie is awesome and I'll put your name in it."

Please understand.  I love to help people, and often will throw out something free every so often for a struggling project, if it won't take a great deal of my time.  (I do reserve the right to determine which projects I want to help out and which I don't.  It usually depends on the person's attitude and spelling and if I just have the time for the thing.)  And the fact of the matter is, I know what it's like to struggle to get something great made.  My goodness, try looking for good synchronized royalty free music for a video!  Of course, I'd love to have Two Steps From Hell write a soundtrack to my independent film for free; or, Brad Bird animate all the characters in it just for the chance to help me out.  Who wouldn't love to have something like that happen to them?  While I'm no Brad Bird or Two Steps From Hell, I can say this: To those individuals who trawl the Internet looking for art and are always begging others for free stuff, an artist's work does have some merit and value, and their time is worth a great deal to them, even if not to you.

That's when I got mad.  And there I stay, unfortunately.  I have a paying client (whom I am contractually obliged to work for first) asking where I'm at because I had a sick mother who needed help.  After a stressful, fitful night's sleep, I wake up to PMs from all over from (what seemed like) a litany of indie films begging me to give them my art for free or almost as much.  Not one dollar coming in for the day.  But the bills don't stop coming.

I had to learn when to say, "I'm sorry."  The temptation is to scream my head off, sometimes, and be just about as abusive as I can be out of anger and frustration and rage.  Of course, this is not only bad business practice, but also terrible manners and just plain indecent human behavior.  So I bite my proverbial tongue and say, "I'm sorry, but I don't have the time to help you out on your project.  I wish you the best, etc..."

Of course, I'm certain the person in question whom I sort of picked on in this rant (and it is a rant, let's face it) is not the bad person I thought they were in my head as I fumed at the screen.  But when I wanted to make a movie--and I've wanted to for a long while, now--I learned the following: if you can't find it online for free, don't ask artists who make a living off of their work to just give away their bread and butter.  Make it yourself!  I learned to build CG sets that way, and let me tell you, it has kept me fed, if not well, then at least I'm not starving!

/Rant

Best regards,
Dan
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Good minutes happen; good hours, sometimes.  A good week?  Rare.  A good month?  Yikes!  Well, I guess if I compartmentalize my life, I can say that this month was great, at least for work.  Otherwise?  Well, we don't need to talk about that!

Seems my art got some needed attention this month, and not just on DA, but also on Blender Artists, where I have "The Giant Spaceship Thread", which is a thread I've had going for almost three years, now.  Apparently, I'm going to get on the header for conceptships.blogspot.com, which is a big deal for me.  That site has been a huge inspiration, as well as an honor to get onto as I never imagined I'd be good enough to get on there, let alone have my work be considered for a header.  Also great was getting featured on the header on Blender Artists this month.  All of this from basically one starship: The Adamant.  The picture, "Adamant and Bellicose", which is featured on my profile page, is responsible for getting a great deal of attention.  An artist loves when his or her work is liked and viewed.  So I guess this makes me happy.

My art is quite a bright spot in my life right now, I suppose.  Thanks for everyone who has shown interest in my stuff.  Please keep making good art.

Quinna-tonka!

Dan
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Well, the constant flow of professional work I've gotten lately is a great sign, I suppose.  On the other hand, it sadly prevents me from working on a lot of the personal projects I've had going over the past few years, most notably the short movie, Plagarus.  But, as a really great spaceship captain once said...

"Zoe, I got bits falling off my ship. I got a crew ain't been paid and, oh yeah, a powerful need to eat sometime this month."

So, it's work, work, work until the cows come home, it seems.  The problem being, it seems, that sometimes the thing I love so much to do can become, well, like work...

Dan
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